This is one hilarious incident that I can never forget in my life. This happened when I was in class ten. Me and my friends had to stay back for a maths extra class. I was really irritated and bored after a very long session of maths. Our teacher Chamudeshwari madam was about sixty years old. For some reason she used to resemble this tweety bird from that Loony Toons show. We used to have great fun in her class. Her specialty was that she never got tired of writing on the board. So, that day she went on writing for about 20 minutes non-stop. Our hands started twitching and paining. Finally after about 23 minutes, we saw her put away the chalk piece and massaging her right shoulder with an expression of pain on her face. We were all relieved and put away our pens. She looked at our faces of relief and gave us a wry smile. She twittered in her musical voice. "You may think I cannot write any more but you are mistaken..." We held our breath. She looked around like a magician about to pull out a great trick. We all watched with careful attention. She pulled out a new chalk piece and started writing with her left hand, leaving us all gaping.
I then got into the bus, which was actually for kids from LKG to fifth standard. I sat in the first single seater from the drivers end. I was pretty tired and exhausted after that grueling session of writing. Then this kid came inside the bus. A big heavy bag on his back and a water bottle slung around his neck, he was not more than five years old. Must've been first or second standard, not more than that. He pointed to the seat I was sitting in and said,
"Oy! That place you are sitting is mine. Get up!", he screwed up his eyes and raised his eye brows and made his expression very serious.
I didn't concentrate much till then, with his powerful dialogue, I craned my neck downwards to have a better look.
He looked like one of those kids from the Horlicks and Bournvita ad's with chubby cheeks and and a milky white face reddening every second with anger. He was like three feet tall.
"Hi Champ, I don't have a place to sit. Will you sit in my lap for today?", I asked him in a sweet voice.
"Nothing doing. You cannot sit in my place" he repeated.
My mood turned sore again with the defiance of this little kid who was about one third of height and about one fourth of my weight.
"I guess you have to stand then.", I said and turned to look out of the window.
He took off his bag and tossed it aside. He repeated the same stunt with his water bottle also. I couldn't blame him for that. He was watching too many movies. He curled up his tiny little fingers into a fist and shouted,
"I know how to do WWE!"
At this point of time, I couldn't help it, I burst into uncontrollable giggles. Trying hard to control my laughter, I started to speak again.
"Oh cool! So who is your favorite wrestler?"
He didn't like my laughing. He was absolutely pissed with my behavior. He started brandishing his little fists in my direction and warned me for the second time.
"I'm going to give you choke slam if you don't get up!"
Oh man! seriously, why do parents allow these little kids to see so much of violence at such a young age? Why couldn't they watch Cartoon Network like we did? And I then evaluated his choke slam warning. He was so blind with fury that, my anatomical details didn't register in his little brain.
"Please! Don't hit me. Why don't you come here and sit in my lap? I'll give you a chocolate." I said, trying to coax and cool him at the same time.
My offer didn't please him. He got redder and more mad. This time he came running and hit me in the stomach with a mock punch sound issuing from his mouth.
I mock cried in anguish.
"Aaagh! Please don't beat me! Aww!", my smile gave me away.
This time he launched a full fury attack. He started hitting me where ever he felt like hitting. The blows were no effects for someone of my size but his little nails started scratching my skin pretty badly. The kid sensing that I was in no significant pain, tried to kick me in the sensitive areas of my body.
This time, I was seriously pissed.
"Will you stop it now? Or do you wan me to tell your mom!"
Nope. He didn't even pause to acknowledge what I said.
I then had a brain wave. I got up from the seat, picked up the kid and put him on the stand that is used for keeping bags. It was too high for him to jump down.
"AAAGHH!! STUPID!! PUT ME DOWN!! FATTY!! IDIOT!!", he started screaming.
The conductor, who was following the fight right from the beginning ignored him and winked at me. I returned him the wink to thank him for not interfering.
After sometime, the kid cooled down realizing that no one was going to help him beat me up. He then changed his strategy.
"Anna, PLEASE!! PUT ME DOWN NO!! PLEASE!!"
"Will you behave yourself this time?", I asked him in a strict tone.
"Yes I will" he promised. His tone sounded genuine.
I picked him up and made him sit in my lap. I offered him the Maha Lacto in my pocket. He gave me a full smile and started crunching away the candy. He looked damn adorable as his mood changed.
"Are you still angry with me? Will you talk to me?", I pleaded.
He nodded absent mindedly trying to mash the candy in his mouth.
"Will you play WWE cards with me?" He offered.
The rest of the journey was spent playing with him. I bid him good bye as my stop came. Kids are adorable creatures. No matter how annoying they are... :)